


Redamancy

by World_of_AUs



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:08:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25161385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/World_of_AUs/pseuds/World_of_AUs
Summary: One of the requests I received on tumblr!“May i have a super angsty fic, reader is cute, but a little awkard, techie & is completely in love w/Bucky. Everyone can see it, even Bucky. He flirts back, she thinks its going somewhere but overhears him talking that he just feels bad for her, she's not his type. She is embarrassed & pulls away & tries to get over him. Starts dating other people maybe, he notices her absence & realizes he really was feeling something for her too. Ending doesn't have to be happy, just maybe hopeful?”
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 54





	Redamancy

He had no idea, except that he did.

He had no idea that your heart skipped a beat in your chest when you saw him smile. Your breath catching in your throat when it was directed towards you, how you longed to be the reason behind that smile, the same way he was the reason for yours. You wanted to be the one to bring him joy, be the reason his eyes lit up. He brought so much happiness to those around him, and he deserved that same happiness in return, and you wanted to be the one to give it to him.

“You ever going to tell lover boy over there that your completely and totally head over heels for him?”

Your eyes snapped towards Banner, “it isn’t like that Bruce, it’s” the words caught on your tongue, because it was like that.

“It’s like nothing y/n, your totally smitten for the man, anytime he comes into our lab to borrow equipment, you become a puddle of goo on the floor, besides don’t you two go back”

“I do not, and unfortunately we do” you muttered eyes going back to the equipment on your table.

“Oh no?” Banner laughs, “we’ll see about that,” he murmurs.

You turn your head to raise a brow at him, “hey y/n, hey banner,”

“Jesus fuck!” You hiss a spark flying from the equipment you had before you, the shock enough to send you falling to the floor, hand waving wildly.

“See,” banner speaks up from your side, “a puddle of goo on the floor,”

“Shove it banner,” you muttered sending him a glare from where you lay on the floor the tips of your fingers burning in pain, “don’t you have a class to go teach or something” A loud laugh is falling from his lips as he grabs his things from the desk next to yours, “my students don’t mind waiting a few extra minutes for me, besides it builds up the suspense for whether I'll show up or not, you know with the whole 10 minute rule they came up with.” You're taking a hold of his hand that he has stretched out for you, “you would have been my least favorite professor than,” you teased.

A smirk was pulling at the corner of his lips, “well good thing I'm leaving you in Barnes hands,” he shoves your shoulder playfully as he moves around you turning on his heel to face the two of you as he walks backwards towards the door, “besides I'm sure you’ll like him more, you know sparks flying and all that,” he winked.

A growl of his names was falling from your lips, the door shutting closed behind your partner, “sparks huh?” and you can hear the smirk on his face.

Your head turned to him, “you know I can ban you from this lab right?”

Bucky laughed heartily, “but I thought there was sparks y/n, I mean you did fall for me didn’t you?”

A warmth encases you, your heart skipping a beat in your chest, “you wish Barnes,” you muttered.

He’s laughing again, his arm wrapping around your shoulder to pull you into his side, “come on now doll, we both now you couldn’t resist me,”

A pink hue cover’s your cheeks, because it’s true, you weren’t able to resist his charm, though it wasn’t entirely your fault, you would think after years of being in his presence the feeling surely would have passed, but within years it had only grown. You had known Bucky most of your life, the two of you went back to your elementary years where you met in kindergarten. It was there that shortly after you discovered you were neighbors, the two of you, two peas in a pod as your parents would like to tease. You had spent most of your elementary years resisting the James Barnes charm, but come your middle school years is where things began to change. You had been well into your sixth-grade year when you noticed the first change, where his toothy smile had once made your nose wrinkle in distaste, it now left behind a warmth that spread deep within your chest, your heart skipping a beat whenever that smile had been reserved just for you. Your first thought was it’s just a crush, just like the many you had in elementary it too would pass, so you thought, but oh how wrong you had been. It’s as if the charm he had tried to entice you with many years ago in elementary, had only heightened, the thing was that charm was never meant for you. Sure, he would charm you into a movie night rather than do homework due the next day, charm you into staying up late when you had an early morning, or the rather reoccurring occasion where he would charm you into going on a double date, Steve your date, it had always been Steve.

At first it was no big deal, you were able to get through your middle school years still able to resist that charm, but high school was a different story. Come high school things got worse, that crush you had said would pass, had only become worse, and you supposed it was the interests the two of you had. The only classes you two didn’t have together was electives, those you had with Steve, what could you say, you were a closeted artist. As you progressed through you high school years the two classes you didn’t have with Bucky had become a solace for you, and each year that passed Steve’s comforting smile had only grown and grown, because with each year that passed the love you held for your best friend had only grown as well. Steve was always rooting for the two of you, even to this day, aside from Bruce he was that constant in your ear telling you to just tell him, “what’s the worst that could happen” he would say.

The thing was you never wanted to find out what the worst was, you had lived through a lot of it your college years. Bucky had quickly become a lady's man, there had been girls left and right throughout high school and it seemed the numbers had only increased once you entered college. You were able to preoccupy your mind easier in college what with all the classes you had piled on, so you didn’t have to see him put his charm on as much, and the once double dates he had asked you to join him on had become shared movie nights you had with Steve while Bucky enjoyed out a night on the town with his newest conquest. The thing was he always came back to you, always laid on that charm, and you were putty in his hands once more. Then a new girl would come along, and the charm would fall away, it was an endless cycle, an emotionally draining, endless cycle.

“y/n, hello,” a hand was being waved in your face, your pushing his hands away, a grin pulling at his lips.

“what do you need Buck, I need to finish this lab before my class,”

He’s smirking, “you’ve been so spaced out lately,” he responded avoiding your first question, “what have you been thinking about?”

You gestured around the lab area as if it’s the most obvious reason, “Seriously Buck, it’s finals week, or did you forget?” you questioned, “my mind has been on getting my students to pass so they can all be loaded onto you next semester,”

“As if you or Steve would let me forget its finals week,” he grins, “I knew you were thinking about me though,” he teases waggling a finger in your face, “I think you should just come out with it y/n,” his face turns serious, “you don’t have to hide it anymore, just tell me,” 

Your raising a brow at him, what was this man getting at, “tell you what?”

“That you are completely and totally head over heels for me,”

Your heart was beating wildly in your chest, eyes slightly growing wide, had he heard your conversation with Bruce, but you didn’t even admit to anything, no, no, no, a faltering forced grin pulled at your lips, “w-what?”

His fingers reached out to run over the tops of your cheeks, your mouth parted, breath catching in your throat, it was the tap to your nose that had your eyes blinking you back to reality. His head fell back in laughter, his arm once more pulling you into his side, his head falling to yours, “god you should have seen your face,” an awkward laugh leaves your lips. The more laughter that falls from his lips the tighter your heart constricts in the confines of your chest, its suffocating, “alright, alright Barnes,” you grumble, “we get it, it's funny,” you grit out.

“awe come on now doll,” he coos rubbing you shoulder, “don’t get upset it was funny, besides you know I’m just teasing,”

“funny?” you question raising a brow, “Barnes you being extra annoying and might I add wasting my precious lab time is anything but amusing to me, this is like a repeat of middle school”

“oh, come on y/n, you enjoyed spending time with me, I'm sure you preferred my company rather than that of your homework,”

You were rolling your eyes, but a grin was still splitting your lips, “whatever helps you sleep at night Buck,”

A smirk tugs at his lips as he invades your space, a warmth blossoming in your chest once more, “You could help me sleep at night if you j- ouch y/n,” he laughs as he moves away from your swinging arm.

He’s rounding the other side of your desk away from you, hands held up in surrender, “Buck seriously what do you need, I have less than-” you paused to look at the watch on your wrist, “less than 15 minutes to complete this lab, now can you please tell me what it is you came to borrow,”

Bucky’s rubbing at the back of his neck now, “uhm, I actually didn’t come to borrow anything this time around,”

You raised a brow, “no?” you questioned, “seems very unlike you, so what is it?”

“will you be home tonight?” his questions catches you off guard, a soft chuckle falls from your lips, “well that’s where I'm at every night after classes, why?” you questioned back drawing out the last word.

“I’m going out on a date tonight,” and there it is, “and how is that going to affect me being home?” hold it together y/n don’t let yourself crack just yet.

“Well I'm only asking incase my date and I decide to you know,” he sends you a wink, a shiver rolls through your spine.

“Gross Barnes, why can’t you go back to her place, that’s what you’ve been doing anyway, why do you have to bring her back to ours,”

“She has a roommate,” is his argument, and you can’t help but to stare at him in disbelief, “and what am I chopped liver, I'm your damn roommate too,”

He’s rounding the desk back towards you, hands falling to your shoulders, “c’mon y/n please,”

Your mouth drops open to argue, but he’s beating you to the punch, “I already asked Steve if you could stay with him and Sam tonight, he said there would be no problem, something about a movie night,” your heart falls in your chest, shoulders slumping because of course, Steve was always there, “so what do you say?”

And as much as you want to scream at him, a tired sigh is leaving your lips, “if that’s what it takes for you to get out of my lab, then yes Barnes,”

His arms are closing around you, “I promise I'll make it up to you,”

A forced laugh falls from your lips as you push him away, “sure whatever, try not to forget this time, now can you please go, I need to get to class since you took up all my time,”

“shit I'm sorry,” he groans looking at the watch on his hand, you shake your head at him as you move away from him to gather your things for your class. He calls out one last thank you, and that he owes you one before he’s disappearing out of the lab door. You scoff, how many times had you heard that one, how many times had you heard those words and still never learned.

Your placing your bag down onto the classrooms desk when your phone pings from within your bag, students trickling into their desks slowly.

**_Sam and I will pick you up from your last lab, we were thinking pizza and something off Netflix._ **

The bubbles were popping up before you could put together a reply

**_Sorry about Bucky, you should just tell him, stop putting yourself through all this heartache y/n, I hate seeing you hurting, this has been ongoing since highschool.._ **

And that’s your cue to start class, your phone is forgotten as you round the desk clasping your hands in delight, “good evening everyone, hope you all studied last weeks lab,” you grinned catching several eye rolls, “because lucky for y’all there’s a pop quiz!” several groans roll through the room, laughter falling from your lips, “awe c’mon guys, it’s finals week, it’s your last pop quiz and your last lab before the year finishes!”

There are the occasional mutter of protests as you walk around the room passing out the quiz, the groans only growing louder when you jump into lab.

Lab always passed you by in flurry, there was just never enough time you felt, never enough time to share your knowledge, to share the love that you had for this subject, not that the students even showed remote interest, it was like clockwork, five minutes to dismissal and they were already packing things away for the night. By the time you were at the one minute mark, most of them were by the door, and it’s not like you could necessarily hold them, “alright y’all have a great night, and don’t forget to study for you exam!” you were screaming the last of the sentence as the students dismissed themselves.

A sigh left your lips as you walked around the room, picking up stray paper’s left behind and making sure all the equipment was put away nicely. Making your way back to the desk you packed up your belongings. A soft knock on the open lab door had you looking up from packing your bag, Steve waved back at you, Sam behind him with an equally warm smile, “you ready?” he’s asking making his way over to you. You nod your head stuffing the last of your paperwork into your bag, “you all came just in time,”

Steve’s engulfing you in a hug, you let out a muffled laugh, your arms going around his broad back, “Steve what?” He pulls away from you a half there smile on his lips, “just felt like you needed one,” he says with a shrug of his shoulders, and Steve knew you so well, after all these years he had learned that look in your eyes, and he just knew.

“Come on you two, I'm starving and a couch is calling our names!”

Laughter is falling from both your lips as you grab your bag, your arm wrapping around Steve’s as he leads you both to the door.

“Honestly why don’t they ever have anything good on here?” Sam groans, flipping through the genres for the third time, “by the time I find a movie, the pizza is going to be gone,”

“then just put something Samuel,” you murmur around your slice of pizza.

He turns his head towards you, eyes squinted, “you don’t think I’ve been trying to put something, there’s nothing to watch” 

Steve eventually gets ahold of the remote, and settles on something random,   
“so y/n, who’s room do you want to take for the night?” Sam asks.

It was meant to be an honest, genuine question, but it didn’t stop you from thinking back to the reason for that question, it didn’t stop you from thinking back to him.

Your body jostles slightly with Steve leaning into you, his hand hitting Sam lightly, “what,”sam argues, “what did I say,” and your sure Steve is glaring at him.

“It was just a question,” he mutters giving Steve a glare back, “I’m sorry y/n if it bothered you,” his voice is softer as he acknowledges you, hand squeezing your knee comfortingly.

“It’s honestly fine Sam,” you reply giving him a warm smile, “just got lost in my head is all,”

“I don’t see why you don’t just tell Barnes already, he’s hurting you y/n, and trust me when we say we hate seeing you miserable when he does this,”

Your shaking your head, “what is there to tell Sam, he doesn’t see me that way, he’s always throwing the best friend card in my face, every time I've tried to tell him, it’s never the right time, I just,” you blew air out through your mouth, “I gave up, I'd rather have him the way I do now,”

“So you’d rather be hurting, you’d rather be waiting around for him while he goes out almost every other night not knowing the pain he’s leaving you in,”

Your shaking your head, “it doesn’t matter Sam, can we please just leave it alone, he doesn’t like me like that so drop it,”

“No, I'm not going to drop it y/n, we have all been rooting for you, we all can see something you obviously can’t that man cares for you,”

“He cares for me as his best friend,” you argue your frustration and heartache growing, “he doesn’t see me as anything more Sam and I am not going to put myself through the heartache that is sure to follow when I get myself disappointed,”

“but you don’t know th-”

“ENOUGH SAMUEL” you snap, “I don’t want to talk about this, or him anymore so please just let it go”

“y/n c’mon-”

You're getting up then, throwing your crust onto the cardboard box, “I’m going to bed, had I known I was going to get lectured, I would have gone home regardless of what Bucky wanted and wallowed in my own self-pity there,” you grumbled as you moved around their feet, “I'll see you guys in the morning,

You had chosen to take over Steve’s room, you were curled in on yourself when you heard soft knocks sound against the door. You mumbled a warbled ‘come in’, Steve poking his head in seconds later, a sympathetic smile sat on his lips.

“hey,” he started, “I just wanted to apologize for tonight, I’m sorry if we ruined movie night for you.”

You offered him a small smile, “it’s okay, not like we won’t have another one in a few days,”

Steve’s smile falls at your words, “it shouldn’t have to be like that y/n, I know he doesn’t do this often, kicking you out of your shared apartment but it's not right, he should know y/n,”

“Steve please don’t start, you already know why I can’t tell him,”

“y/n I know the two of you almost our whole life, we’ve been together since elementary when Bucky introduced us, I've grown with the two of you, there’s something there,”

You turned your head away from Steve eyes going to the ceiling, “you want me to tell him,” you grumbled, “then I'll tell him, but don’t act surprised, when you are wrong, now can you please go, I just want to sleep,” 

“Y/n y-”

“Steve please, just go we have a long day tomorrow, or at least I do,” you muttered recalling your unfinished lab from this afternoon.

You could see that Steve had much more to say, more things he would like to tell you, but he also knew when to leave well enough alone. A soft sigh is leaving his lips, “Sam and I will see you tomorrow morning y/n, goodnight,”

You wished him a ‘goodnight’ as well the door shutting softly behind him, “its going to be a long night,” you thought out loud.

And it had been, you spent most of the night until the early hours of the morning tossing from one side of the bed to the other. Your mind had been restless as you thought over Sam and Steve’s words. While at first you had just said that you would tell Bucky to get them off your back, the more you had laid there awake in the dark the more you thought maybe you should, maybe getting this weight that had sat on your chest for so long off of your shoulders could be the thing to bring you some peace of mind. You knew the possibility of Bucky feeling the same was slim to none but there was a tiny part of you that had listened to Steves words, and dare you say it had made you hopeful that maybe you weren’t seeing something that everyone had been so adamant was there. It was in the early hours of the morning that you had decided enough was enough, you were tired of feeling sorry for yourself every time Bucky went out on a date, tired of your friends breathing down your neck to tell him, because they were sure he felt the same, so you had decided to do just that, and whether he felt the same way or not, well that would have to be something you’d have to wait to find out when you came to that moment.

Your alarm trilled incessantly on the nightstand, you groaned sleep still pulling at your eyes as you reached for your phone wanting to shut off the annoying device. It was when you brought your phone closer that you realized it wasn’t your alarm but Banner calling you, your brows furrowed in confusion as you answered the call bringing it up to your ear, “so are you going to come into lab today, your equipment is sitting out waiting to be worked on,”

“of course I'm going in,” you murmured rubbing at the sleep at your eyes, “why wouldn’t I?” you questioned as you sat up in the bed.

“oh, I don’t know, maybe the fact that you’re two hours late?”

“what?!” you screeched, “two hours late, what time is it?” you questioned throwing yourself from the bed.

“it 11 a.m. y/n, you were supposed to be in at 9,”

“goddamnit, okay, okay,” you rushed out, “I'll be there soon!”

You didn’t give banner a chance to give his reply as you hung up the phone bolting from Steve’s room to grab your purse from the living room, you would just have to wear what you wore yesterday. Looking around the apartment you saw no sign of Steve or Sam, those jerks had left without waking you, why didn’t they wake you! You left their apartment in a flurry as you raced to campus, hair tosseled in the wind as you raced down the streets, you had never been more grateful in that moment that they lived so close to the campus you all worked at. You were out of breath by the time you reached the lab buildings, you checked your watch, Steve and Sam should be in their labs, oh man were they going to get a piece of your mind. Entering the building you marched down the hallway with determination in your stride, you were just to their door when their voices stopped you just feet shy of the doorway,

“she was cute, don’t get me wrong, but it just didn’t feel right, there was just something about her that,” a pause,” I don’t know just didn’t feel right being out with her,”

You could hear another sigh that didn’t belong to Bucky, “Honestly man that’s nothing new,” came Sam’s voice, “it ends the same every night, you sure you’re just not looking at what’s been right in front of you,”

“Sam don’t,” came Steve’s voice, “many people have tried, he just doesn’t get it,”

“are y’all talking about y/n?” Bucky questioned, a loud sigh left his lips, “honestly not this again, what can’t you all get that she’s just not my type, she’s my best friend, practically a sister to me, it would be weird.”

“how is she not your type Buck,” Steve argued, “you all practically followed the same field, you both have the same interest’s, you like what she likes, she likes what you like, you guys are a match made in heaven if you ask us, you can’t say nothing Is there Buck we see how you are with her,”

“Steve you see the girls I date, she’s nothing like them, she’s, she’s one of the guys,”

“That’s bullshit Barnes and you know it,” Sam argues, “you say she’s one of the guys, yet you flirt with her like you would any of your other conquests, you don’t let guys get next to her, hell you don’t even let them ask her out on a date, if it isn’t you she’s with it’s a no go for you,”

“Shut up Wilson, I know how guys are, I'm just protecting her from getting her heartbroken,”

Steve lets out a loud scoff, “you say you’re protecting her heart, yet you’re the one causing her pain,”

Bucky lets out a groan, and your barely able to hold in your tears, “Look I don’t know what to tell you guys, how many more times do you want me to tell you guys that I don’t feel the same way she does about me for you guys to leave it alone, I don’t see her like that I'm not sure that I ever will, sure she's a great girl and we might have all these things in common, but that the thing she’s my best friend, nothing more.

Your barely able to bring a hand up to your mouth to muffle the sob that escapes past your lips, you can hear feet coming towards you but your frozen to your spot, Steve pops into your blurry view first, “shit y/n,” he goes to move toward you but you hold a shaky hand up. Its when Bucky appears in your line of sight that you lose it, another sob tearing through you.

“this is why I told you all to leave it alone,” you gritted out through your tears, “but you couldn’t could you, why were you so adamant for me to tell him my feelings when you knew, you knew that he didn’t feel the same,” Steves head falls, Sam shakes his head, and Bucky looks like a deer caught in headlights.

“y/n ple-”

Your shaking your head rubbing away at the tears, “I can’t believe you would continuously tell me to express my feelings, even telling me that you just knew he felt the same, yet you also knew he didn’t reciprocate them,” another sob shook through you, “I don’t know how many times I told you that this is exactly what I wanted to avoid, but I guess it's great I found out this way, at least I wouldn’t have looked like an idiot later on telling him how I felt and hoping to god he felt the same way like you all had said,”

“Y/n,” your eyes fall to Bucky and you can barely stand the heartache that sits heavy on your chest when you look into those blue orbs, “I'm sorry I wish things could be different,”

Your roll your eyes regardless of the fat wet tears still rolling down your face, because of course he would say something like that, “You don’t have to pretend Barnes, we all know how you feel, just wish you could have said something since you knew,”

“y/n I-”

“No buck,” your anger was flaring just beneath the rejection that you felt, “you knew yet you continued to toy with my emotions, always flirting, Steve was right to think you might have felt something, you almost had us all fooled,”

His face fell, “you guys got what you wanted, he knew, he knows, and I told you exactly what would happen,” you murmured more tears building up, “why couldn’t you guys just leave well enough alone, why couldn’t you leave it alone especially when you all knew!” you cried.

“Hey guys everything okay” Banner questioned coming down the hall from your lab he drew closer taking in your disheveled form, “woah y/n, you okay,” he questioned warily, you shook your head, “do you think you could pack up the equipment, and send an email out to my classes that I won’t be in today,” Banner’s brows furrowed in confusion, “of course, but what’s going on?”

“it’s nothing,” you said through your tears, “I just, I have to go, I’m sorry,” you choked out turning on your heel as you ran out the building. You were a mess as you kept your head down, walking past various students and professors on campus. Your head remained downcast until you made it back to your shared apartment with Bucky, your key sliding into the lock as you let yourself in. You didn’t make it far as the tears, and heartache consumed you, your feet pulling you to the floor. Heartbreak was a funny thing wasn’t it. You expect it to happen, yet for some reason one is never really prepared for it. We underestimate the power it holds, it’s like giving a murderer a gun and expecting not to killed. Why aren’t we ever prepared for the unenviable? It’s because we don’t think it will happen to us, we live in denial, hearts are meant to be cherished not broken.

Eventually the tears stop, but the ache remains, why did you have to listen to that small part in the back of your mind, why didn’t you listen to the loud voice booming through you that just like the many other times where the moment wasn’t right, that this hadn’t been right either, why didn’t you just listen.

The door of your apartment creaking open had your eyes drifting to the door, Bucky looking down at your fallen form.

“Oh y/n,” he murmured, he went to move towards you, but you halted him in his actions with a hand in the air.

“Please don’t,” you mumbled, “I think you’ve done enough,”

“Y/n please let me explain,” he tried.

Your head snapped up, “explain what Bucky, what is there to explain?” you questioned, “because your words with Steve and Sam earlier spoke volumes, I don’t think there Is much left to say, you’ve said enough,”

“y/n please you have to-”

“I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to,” you hissed, “Look Bucky I get it okay, I’m your best friend and that’s all you’ll ever see me as,” you sucked in a breath, “I'm still going to be that for you, but I need time, I don’t want to know about your dates anymore, I don’t want to even hear about you bringing someone home, nor am I going to be asked to stay at Steve’s or Sam’s I'm done Bucky, for the rest of the semester just let me be, I don’t want to hear from you, Steve, or Sam, I just need to focus on myself, I need to get back into the right headspace, and I can’t do that if all I feel when I'm around you is heartache, it’s time I've moved on, I always knew my feelings for you were never reciprocated, and I should have listened instead of trusting that small piece of hope Steve gave me,”

Bucky can’t seem to understand the pain that throbs heavily in his chest, he blames it on the fact that he feels like his friendship with you has completely broken apart, but deep down he knows it's much more. Even though you can’t bear the sight of him, when you’ve made your way to your feet, you still move over to him, hand falling to his cheek, fingers running over his forlorn features, “I just need time Buck, and I promise, everything will go back to the way it was, just give me that,”

And he wants to be selfish and tell you no, that he doesn’t want to give you your space, because he doesn’t like the pain sitting on his chest, but then he can’t bring himself to speak the words, because you’ve always done everything for him without so much as argument.

As he watches you walk away from him everything feels so uncertain, and he doesn’t like that feeling, he doesn’t like not knowing what’s going to happen between the two of you.

It takes you a month and within that month, Bucky has realized something, you’re a much bigger part of his life then he let himself believe. The feeling that had dwelled heavy in his chest had not dimmed, or dwindled away like he hoped, no, it had sat there on his chest every waking hour. You had stayed true to your word, and focused on yourself, your students, and your work. They had tried getting you to talk to them, give them the time of the day, hell he had even gone as far as to continue to go to your lab to borrow equipment but Banner had always been the one to greet him and pass him what he needed. Bucky could only look over his shoulder at you, a feeling gnawing away at his chest. Even when the semester had finished you had still kept strong declining their move nights, dinner plans, and nights out on the town. He barely had seen much of you aside from the moments in your lab because as soon as you arrived home you would make your way straight to your room and only come out when you needed to fetch something. Bucky made himself believe that your absence was affecting them all, when in reality it had only been him it affected the most. He didn’t realize why, till Steve explained it to him on one of the nights you get again had declined their company.

_“Let’s just go Bucky, stop looking so down in the dumps, this isn’t the first time she’s declined your offer,”_

_“That’s just the thing Steve she said she needed time, and I’ve given her that, how much longer is she going to keep doing this?” He questioned with a sigh._

_“She was hurt Buck, she also needs time to get over you she’s been in love with you since middle school, letting go of something like that can’t possibly be easy, why do you want her to just go back to way things were, she wasn’t happy,”_

_“Because I miss her,” he growls._

_“and you don’t think we miss her too, she was a huge part of us as well Buck,”_

_A puff of air leaves his lips in frustration, “ you don’t understand Steve, I miss her, I miss spending time with her just the two of us, I miss her giving me crap when she knew I was doing something wrong, I miss coming home to her cooking dinner for the two of us when my labs ran late, I miss coming home to tell her about my day, I-” it hits him then, everything he couldn’t find in those other girls is because he had already had them in you._

_A smirk is pulling at Steve’s lips at the look on Bucky’s face, “you finally get what we all saw, don’t you,”_

_Bucky’s hand comes up to his head, how could he have been so blind, to think that crush that he had on you in elementary had actually faded. “God am I blind,” he mutters._

_Steve laughs, “that’s one way to put it man, but I guess it's better late than never,”_

_And Bucky can’t stop thinking about it, about this new feeling that has risen within him, why couldn’t he have realized it earlier, why did he have to hurt you, push you away for him to realize how much you meant to him._

_“So what are you going to do?”_

_Bucky’s running a hand over his face, because he knows what he wants to do, “can I take a rain check on tonight,”_

_Steve’s laughing then, “of course man, you can meet up with us next time, and hopefully y/n will be joining us,”_

_“let’s hope so,” he chuckles nervously, and Steve feels for his friend, but he knows whatever happens between the two of you is what’s meant too._

_It takes Bucky a few minutes but he finally gets the courage to move towards your room. His hand hovers over your door, he can do this he thinks, he can do this. His fist meets you door, knuckles wrapping softly against the wood. He can hear your quiet “come in” through the closed door. He sucks in a breath before his hand reaches down, fingers wrapping around the silver knob._

_You look up to see Bucky’s head peek through, you heart races in your chest, “Buck I already said no,” Watching with wide eyes, you watch him step into your room shutting the door behind him, “Bucky what’s going on?” you questioned as you watched him pace in place._

_“I can’t believe it took me this long,” he laughed breathily, “I can’t believe I wasted so much time,”_

_You raised a brow, “what do you mean Buck, what took you so long?”_

_Bucky looks at you then, and you only grow more concerned when he just stares, “Buck seriously what’s wrong, why aren’t you out with the guys?”_

_“y/n we need to talk, but I need you to listen, I need you to hear me out as much as you might not want too,”_

_“Buck your kind of scaring me,” you laughed._

_“that makes two of us sweetheart,”_

_You watch him take a breath in before he’s releasing it, his hands clasping together, “god, I don’t even know where to start,” he murmurs, “fuck maybe I should have waited till I had my thoughts together,”_

_“buck just say it, it can’t be that bad,”_

_“fuck,” he mutters pacing again._

_“buck just say it!” you voice louder your own heart beating heavily in your chest from his erratic behavior._

_He stops pacing eyes falling to yours, “I’m pretty sure I'm in love with you,”_

_Your breath catches in your throat, eyes going wide, “excuse me,” you breath._

_“I said, I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you,”_

_“are you serious right now” you murmured, “Bucky this isn’t funny,” you added your lower lip wobbling._

_“y-yeah, I'm serious y/n, this isn’t something I would joke about,”_

_“why?”_

_His brows furrow at your question, “what do you mean why?”_

_“why are you doing this Buck, is it because I needed time away from you, is it because you have no one to talk to about your dates, is this because you can’t bring anyone home anymore, is this b-”_

_He’s shaking his head roughly, “god no y/n, why, why would I be telling you I think I'm in love with you for any of those reason’s”_

_“I don’t know Bucky maybe it’s the fact that a couple of weeks ago you were telling the guys that you would never see me as more than your best friend, and the second I'm somewhat out of your life, now you think you love me?” you question exasperatedly, “like who does that Buck,”_

_“apparently me,” he mumbles, head casted down._

_“what?”_

_“I said apparently me,” he speaks louder, “look y/n I know you might not want to believe me,”_

_“that’s an understatement,”_

_“Jesus,” he groans, “y/n I'm trying to talk to you about this, and you’re just making this incredibly difficult for me, especially because I've been such an idiot for so long.” He sighs when you don’t speak but look at him expectantly, “I know how this looks, I know how all this looks but goddamnit y/n I miss you, I miss having someone call me out on my shit, I miss having someone to talk to about my day, not my dates,” he adds, “i miss coming home to you making dinner for us when my labs run late, I miss going to your lab to bother you for things, I miss our movie nights, I miss spending time with you, just you and me,” he sighs, “i just miss you,”_

_“Bucky but that doesn’t mean you're in love with me, you just miss your best friend,”_

_His head is shaking again, “Y/n I'm pretty sure I have been in love with you since elementary, you just never showed interest then so I guess I pushed those feelings to the way back of my mind and they kind of just stayed there,”_

_“Bucky we were kids, and you were annoying,”_

_He laughs, “what I'm trying to say, aside from me being a blind idiot, is that it’s always been you y/n, I always wondered why my dates never worked out, why they never had that thing that I knew was missing, and it’s because I barely realized the thing missing from my life was you, all these women were wrong because it wasn’t you, in a way I was trying to fill a void,”_

_“so why not say something earlier, why did you have to wait for me to be out of your life for you to finally say something, you realize how this looks to me right,”_

_“because this just opened my eyes,” he sighed, “and I know what this looks like but I promise whatever your thinking its not that,”_

_You fall quiet as you take in his words, he just said he loved you, something you had been longing to hear from him for years, but how could you believe him. What if this was just an in the moment thing, what if he just missed his best friend what if-_

_“Don’t do that y/n”_

_You looked up at him through watery eyes, “what?”_

_“I know your second guessing everything I just told you, I know you can’t believe it, but it’s true, let me show you,”_

_You wiped under your eyes, “show me what?” You questioned._

_“Let me take you out, just one date,”_

_“Bucky I don’t know, I don’t think I can handle another repeat,” you murmured looking down at your hands._

_Your heard him move towards you, his feet bringing him to eye level, “give me a chance y/n, just one date,”_

It took him a month, but he realized during that time what he had been missing.

He had his arms around you, your body leaning on his, the softness and gentle caress of his arm against your neck had shivers rolling down your spine. The two of you were sat on the hood of his car, eyes looking out over the lit up lavish city. Your first date. The world was quiet around you no words shared between the two of you because the moment shared here spoke volumes. Bucky turned to look down at you, your eyes meeting his, a warm smile pulling at both of your lips. “I really enjoyed tonight,” you murmured.

Bucky’s hand came up to your cheek, his fingers running along your heated skin, “i enjoyed it too,”

“was there anything missing?” you questioned staring up into his ocean blue orbs.

“there was one thing,” he murmured a sly smile tugging at his lips as he leaned into you.

Your heart raced in your chest, as he got closer, his breath mingling with yours. Your eyes slipped shut the second his lips touched yours, sparks flying in every direction, the world slowly disappearing around the two of you.

It had taken him a month, but he finally realized what he had been missing. You.

  
  
  



End file.
